Giving Up Tastes Bitter
by Miranda le Ginger
Summary: Weary shoulders and a resolve to match can only hold on for so long. How long must you wait for a love that does not see you? Waiting...can only go so long.
1. Saying Goodbye

Disclaimer: I do **not** own Mai-Hime or its characters; just taking them out for the first time for a little spin. Note, this is my first Mai-Hime fic. I am not entirely comfortable with this anime yet writing-wise; Dragon Age is more my thing. But, this would not get out of my head. I hope you like it.

Agony splatters across the page as vividly as blood. Her slender hand moves in a frenzy, fingers clenched tight around the old-fashioned pen she purloined from the knapsack beside her bed. The normally artistic, flowery handwriting now turns ugly, almost unrecognizable. Crimson eyes bright with a feverish glow stare unblinking at the blindingly white paper, pristine and unchanging, unlike herself. The Carnival had taken her, taken the normally vibrant young woman who loved her own vitality and friends and life in general…and crushed her into tiny little pieces.

_ The Carnival. _Just thinking the word fractured the little remnants of her heart even further, an ache welling up inside her that could not, and probably would never, be wholly quenched. She, perhaps more than anyone, had lost much during the Carnival, and in the time afterwards. The pen stopped its frantic movement for a moment, blotting the page. The woman's jaw clenched as she reflected on the worst time of her life, a time when her tightly wound mask slipped so very far, costing her too much. _The price was far too much to pay_. The frown marring the beautiful, classic features the young woman possessed would have broken the heart of any who witnessed it.

_Screams of anger, of pain rent the air, a symphony of evil and pain and everything so unlike the chestnut-haired girl in the midst of it. Orbs the color of freshly spilt blood glowed crazily, a small smile forcing its way onto the pale face; a tragic beauty. Dexterous fingers twirling the naginata with ease, promising a graceful death. The wicked blade whistles through the air, as ominous a sound as ever was heard. A cold, numbness that tore away all meaning, all sensation, until all that was left was the overpowering sense of love towards __**her**__, the woman who had kickstarted the downward spiral to begin with. Natsuki_…

A single tear coursed down the perfect jaw, her pallor having whitened considerably during her reminiscence. A choked sound, or maybe it was a scream, threatened to tear itself from her throat, already raw from previous losses of control. It was almost funny, in a twisted sort of way. What would people say if they say the illustrious Shizuru Fujino sitting here at the small oaken table, emotion plain as day on her normally composed features? Why, nobody would believe it. Or, they would not have had they all not witnessed firsthand how looks can deceive. After all, who would have thought that the popular Kaichou of Fuuka Academy would essentially go crazy and kill fellow students and friends, all for the love of a girl who did not show a lick of interest?

Oh, she used to go on all the time, hoping and praying that her feelings would eventually be returned by her friend and "secret" crush, Natsuki Kuga. The infamous Ice Queen…how fitting. No matter how warm Shizuru had felt around the emerald-eyed girl, the heartbreak that had splintered her fragile mind after was almost not worth it. If she did not love Natsuki as much as she had, as she still did if she was being honest with herself, it would not have been worth losing herself in the process. Looking in the mirror, she no longer recognized the face staring back. Perhaps she never again would. The only thing her feelings had gotten her was a sea of regret and pain of the most vicious breed. Even now, almost a year after the Carnival, things had not improved between her and Natsuki.

The Fujino heir looked outside her window, listening to the birds chirping their songs of happiness and life, at odds with her own jumbled feelings. Natsuki had kissed her that day, telling her that the friendship was so important to her and that she loved Shizuru…**loved**,not in love with. The difference then did not seem like much, but now it was palpable and readily distinguished. She could still feel those warm, lightly moistened lips moving languidly against her own for a brief moment, a death so sweet and succulent. The warmth of that breath after lips parted fanning over her face, beautiful pools of liquid green pouring into her soul, begging for an answer to the question that had been slowly burning between them for awhile. Obviously, that question was not the same to Natsuki…

After the fateful kiss and what Shizuru viewed as a soft rejection, it had seemed like all was forgiven, at least from her important person. The supposedly cold biker had even tenderly held her as she cried over all the horrible things she had done, soothing her with touch and husky voice alone. Shizuru had even begun to believe her…until the touches and tender stopped. Natsuki had all but cut off contact once the elder had moved on from the academy, graduating with the top honor. Shizuru had opted out of attending the university in Kyoto that her parents dearly wished her to apply to. Instead, the local college in Fuuka sufficed. Although it was not distinguished like the one in Kyoto, Fuuka University had the one thing Kyoto would never have; a lessening of distance between her and Natsuki. Even then, after she had done the unthinkable, the unbelievable, she had foolishly hoped that things would turn out all right. Wrong. Happy endings did not come to those with evil in their hearts.

It had started slowly, the loss of contact. A couple visits a week dwindled to one, then intermittent get-togethers. Her cell rang less and less, the texts non-existent after awhile. Conversations were strained and awkward; eye contact, contact in general, was avoided at all costs. Shizuru began getting used to seeing Natsuki's back as she walked away from her, roaring away on her Ducati. And yet still, with all the evidence piling high against her, she dared to dream; to hope. Until that fateful day, when her hopes had shattered and her dream was proven to be just that; a dream.

_Sandaled feet clapped against the sidewalk, belonging to a kimono-ed girl with an easy smile. Or at least, what appeared to be an easy smile. What motions her mouth did were never easy anymore. Shizuru had decided to actually vacate her dorm room on the grounds of Fuuka University, her palate needing the deliciousness that only her special tea could evoke within her. It was one of the few things that still held meaning to her, and apparently the only one that did not disappear. Her feet took her to the little coffee shop she loved; her body knew the way by heart. Maybe a scone alongside the coffee would brighten her mood and put a smile on her face. As she neared the door, anticipation roiling within her gullet, crimson eyes beheld a sight that immediately crushed her, destroying the vestiges of her sanity and composure. Natsuki, her Natsuki, was seated at a table inside along with Mai, Mikoto, and several other former Hime's. That was not what captured her attention, however. It was the red-headed seductress seated beside Natsuki, green eyes solely fixed the bluenette's face. Slowly, mischievous orbs aimed at the target, those sensuous lips crouched ever closer, until finally, they reached the destination. A reddening cheek was brushed so delicately, as if made of porcelain. All the while, green stayed locked with viridian_. ..

Even now, she became choked up at the thought of any lips touching that beautiful face. After witnessing the scene, Shizuru fled, tears prickling her crimson eyes as she desperately tried to force her mask back in place. Most people would not have gotten so emotional over the sight of a kiss to a cheek; it certainly was not on the lips, was it not? For most that would be true, but not with Natsuki Kuga. Any who knew the girl knew her to never let such close contact be permitted, especially from lips. But, she had not even protested from the looks of it, just blushing whilst the others laughed and cooed. What surprised her most of all that it was from a girl she thought Natsuki was not fond of. Obviously, a lot had changed since she had been Kaichou. It seemed as if she was officially replaced, carefully phased out by Nao. _It seems I never held your heart at all; maybe I never even had a chance_. The distraught college student had still waited patiently by phone, just in case the Fuuka rebel decided to grace her with the lovely deepness of her voice. Yes, Natsuki would call and they would chat like no time had elapsed; it would turn out that her and Nao were not seeing each other, that it was all a misunderstanding. They'd laugh and Natsuki would tease her for a change and everything would be right in the world. Only...the call never came.

Now, a full eleven months to the date that her world was turned on its axis, Shizuru was writing a letter addressed to her beloved. The Kyoto born had already lost enough years waiting on the biker; it was time to let go. She just never knew it would be this hard…nails dug into sensitive tissue, palms emitting tiny droplets of her life essence, staining the simple table. Her clothes and possessions were already packed and ready, the room bare and utterly androgynous. If looked, nobody would know that Shizuru Fujino once lived here. The woman leaned back, her muscles aching in tempo with her heart. The letter stared back at her, filled with the rawness of her despair and emotions, blatant honesty laced in every broken word. Several ink, tear and even blood blotches covered the once flattened paper, now crinkled in areas. A small rip in the corner, courtesy of a wayward fingernail, winked at her. The note was in no way perfect; in a way, it was symbolic of herself.

A sigh filtered from dry lips, rising up in the direction of the low ceiling above. She had addressed the letter to Natsuki, not content to just up and leave without some form of communication. Not that Natsuki would probably care…ink-stained fingers tousled already mussed honeyed locks, an obvious sign of distress in the sole Fujino heir. Shizuru had explained to the bluenette why she just up and left without any warning. It turns out the great Fujino did have a breaking point; she had finally succumbed to her parent's wishes and signed for transference of her credits to the university at Kyoto. She would major in business, taking over the reigns for the Fujino empire. Although that was far from her mind on the list of things to do, she accepted the truth of the matter. Natsuki would never feel the same for her, no matter who she was seeing. The Carnival had severed whatever they once had, tainting something that had the start of beauty. Shizuru knew she was technically running, but it was not like she was being pursued. Moving back to her home…it would be safe and more importantly, give her a chance at redemption. She could start anew, no longer afraid of judging gazes and hate-fueled looks.

Trembling fingers folded the imperfect paper, sliding it into the envelope and writing down the address she knew by heart. She grabbed her knapsack, slinging it over a shoulder. She took one last look at the room that had housed her for the last year; sighing once more, she left without a backwards glance.

Her car slowly cruised down the street she knew by heart, body thrumming with nervous excitement, despite her judgment. This was the apartment Natsuki had gotten to share with Nao, Mai and Mikoto. Mai, after the events of the carnival, had broken it off with Tate, having discovered that her feelings had been taken by someone else. Shizuru had always thought something more than friendship burned between the two women, and apparently they had felt it too. They had been dating for almost seven months now, and were going strong from what she had heard. Her feet sluggishly hefted her up the gray porch steps, taking in the cute little building her former friends and almost(if you could call it that) lover dwelled in. Her chest panged. Her hand brushed the railing as she walked up the steps, reaching the door unadorned with nothing except a number ironed on, a cold unyielding silver. Not wanting to be caught, Shizuru hastened to place the small letter at the bottom of the door, sliding it under so she would be sure it would be seen.

Straightening up, Shizuru allowed one final moment of regret to seep through her body. Her friendship with Natsuki seemed to pass by in fast-forward, a movie playing in her mind. Her palm lay flat against the white painted door, sadness washing over her. A solitary tear fell down onto the ground beneath her feet, her chest constricted tight. Head hanging, the woman walked away from the woman she loved more than life itself. As she was buckling up in her car, she felt a sort of awareness wash over her. Glancing up, she saw Natsuki by herself, sliding off her beloved motorcycle with ease. Eager eyes desperately took in what she thought to be the very last sight of the girl that would ever be seen. Blue cascaded over a back covered in dark leather as the helmet was lifted slowly off the head. The girl fiddled with her beloved bike for several moments before deeming it to be alright. Helmet underneath an arm, the student headed towards the stairs leading to her apartment when she froze. Almost as if sensing eyes on her, she slowly turned around, emeralds intense and filled with curiosity. Shizuru ducked down, peeking slightly over the dashboard. After a few contemplative moments, Kuga must've deemed the coast to be clear, for she thumped up the steps before disappearing from view.

The love scorned Kyoto woman dropped her forehead on the steering wheel, sobs not even bothering to censor from her mouth. After seconds of letting her anguish flood out, she sat up straight and wiped away the moisture. What was done was done; no use crying now. That'd come later, when she was safely tucked away in her bed, at home in Kyoto. Shizuru carefully pulled out of her spot, driving away for the last time. _Farewell, my love. Be…be happy, even if it's not with me. That's all I have ever wanted._ Crimson eyes never looked back. If she had, she might have seen a girl clad in biker clothes sprint out from seemingly the building itself, tears streaming down a bewildered face as eyes frantically looked around for a woman bearing red eyes.


	2. And You Let Her Go

Author's note: Chapter two of what I've decided to be a 3 part story. Inspiration for the first chapter was the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera. This chapter it's "Let Her Go" by Parachute. Now, who is ready for Natsuki's viewpoint?

Disclaimer: Like in the first chapter, I do **not** own Mai-Hime or any of the characters.

"_Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."- Sydney Smith _

"_If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world." –Mercedes Lackey_

The wind ripped passed as the steel-blue Ducati zoomed along down the street, pedestrians falling over themselves to get the hell out of the rider's way. The biker, unmistakably female given her slender form, took the turns expertly, flicking her wrist and rolling with the wondrous machine between her muscled legs. To her, it was like poetry of sorts, albeit a physical, tangible one. It had always been that way between her and the most cherished item she owned. A sharp curve quickly approached; the woman, flicking her head back, smoothly executed the turn with complete ease.

Striking emerald pools closed in momentary bliss. Long bike rides always invoked a sense of power, of peace, in the woman. The Ducati was not just her mode of transportation to and from school, where she attended Fuuka Academy for the very last year. Or should she say two months now. Graduation was fast approaching, and Natsuki sort of wished it would just slow down. She was not good with change; never really had been. It had been the cause of friction at times between different people who did not quite grasp that concept. _Shizuru_…A hearty sigh escaped the rider as her chest tightened perceptibly, unwanted thoughts creeping unbidden back into her mind of her important person.

_I wonder if she even considers me that person anymore, now that the Carnival is passed_. That time in Natsuki's life had easily been the most confusing, and the most emotional. She had been forced to actually deal with her feelings without skirting around the fact. Oh, she had tried, but when Shizuru had finally snapped and lost control of herself…well, the choice had been snatched from her. That is to say she did not place the blame squarely on her crimson-eyed friend's shoulders. Everybody did unspeakable things during that time, having no other choice but to kill off each other. It had all been the fault of the Obsidian Lord, the man who had thrust the weight of responsibility onto them without consent or a passing regret. Even to this day, months after the fact, she had never truly forgiven Reito for the actions. In a way he was as innocent as the rest of them. His possession by the Obsidian Lord had been out of his control; if anyone was truly to blame for the whole debacle, it was that brat Nagi. But, it was hard for her to forget Reito's face as he smirked maniacally as the Hime's battled each other to the death. She was not certain she would ever look upon him without disdain or wary.

That was not the only thing the Carnival had ruined. Shizuru had not been the same since then. Instead of the incessant teasing and light smiles full of a hidden emotion Natsuki was afraid to give voice to, tentative glances and uncomfortable silences made themselves known. Where once there was a friendly companionship that hid the undercurrents of something deeper, now everything was strained. This was never something Natsuki expected, not in her wildest bouts of overthinking. Shizuru was always the solid, unchanging pillar in her life. They would always be friends, and maybe they could evolve into something more. But of course, what did she do when things became different? She ran, ignoring the warning signs blatantly staring at her. Natsuki figured all that the Kyoto woman needed was some time to reflect on what she had done, although nobody blamed her any longer. Even Nao, who had distrusted her the longest, admitted that she no longer bore any hard feelings towards Shizuru when it had been an urge inside them all to come out on top. The fact that she did it all for love…in a way, it was all Natsuki's fault. She never gave back to the woman; she just took and took until there was literally nothing left for Shizuru to give.

Her heart gave a little lurch as she imagined crimson pools full of pain, the emotion having exuded off her friend since the Carnival, and the realization of just what she was willing to do for Natsuki. The blue-haired rebel had given the space she thought Shizuru required, but it was getting harder and harder to maintain an acceptable distance. Often times she found her hand inching towards her little cell phone, literally aching to just give in and call the woman who had inched herself into Natsuki's every waking thought. The biker had even taken to having dreams of Shizuru, were they were happily together and unafraid to show it to the world. _Shizuru is not the one who has always been afraid; that was you._ Natsuki could not even berate herself for that particular thought; honesty could be a very painful thing. Regardless, their friendship had been basically non-existent for months now. Natsuki could only hope that Shizuru would forgive her for acting as though she was indifferent towards the Kyoto beauty. Shizuru was incredibly smart, but she had already proven to be highly susceptible when Natsuki was concerned. In fact, Natsuki was surprised that Fujino had not cracked yet and reached out for her. It kind of hurt in a way…

A loud honk tore through Natsuki; a physical reality check. The bluenette swerved to avoid the hunk of metal, blushing at the colorful words the driver yelled out to her, vein popping in his meaty forehead. Natsuki exhaled shakily at the near collision. This was what her worry had reduced her to. None of her thoughts were her own any longer, not without her important person intruding. Natsuki slowed down as she neared a red light, foot bracing against the unmoving concrete beneath. She could only believe that all was not ruined; they could be salvaged. "Shizuru…" Words had never tasted more bitter in her mouth.

Natsuki turned the corner onto the street leading to the apartment she shared with Mai, Mikoto and Nao. Huh, even thinking of Nao and her in the same vicinity without killing or maiming each other made her give pause. They had never disliked each other, but the events they all experienced together brought all the Hime closer than they could ever imagine. Sure, they still fought sometimes…okay, a lot…but the camaraderie was very much evident. So far, her life had exponentially gotten better; if only she could muster up the courage to confess her feelings for Shizuru…

The Ducati zipped passed all the cars located alongside the curb, slowing down as its owner released the clutch and merely cruised the last meter. Natsuki ground to a halt, smoothly dismounting her treasure. She turned the keys, pocketing them into her leather jacket. Her hands reached up to either side of the expensive helmet she had bought prior, her hair falling in waves down her back. She shook the thick blue strands from her face, wanting nothing more than to escape to the sanctuary of her bedroom and maybe think of what to say to Shizuru. This had been going on for far too long now; it was time for her to put herself out there. Shizuru had done enough. She placed her helmet underneath her arm, walking towards her room. However, as she was walking she felt…something. What that something was she did not know, but it felt like-like a presence, near her, watching her. Curious and a tad bit uncomfortable, Natsuki turned around, looking at the landscape around her. Her emerald gaze looked amongst the bushes and the vehicles fleetingly, zeroing in on a certain vehicle that was parked adjacent to her apartment. She might just be seeing things that weren't there due to the direction her thoughts wandered, but…it looked a lot like the car Shizuru drove…nah, it could not be. Shizuru lived over at Fuuka University, rooming there in one of the dorms.

Natsuki finally managed to tear her eyes away from the vehicle, something niggling at her conscience. _Whatever…maybe I just need sleep. Oh, who am I kidding, I need to just call 'Zuru up; I can't go on like this any longer. I miss her_… Chasing away her melancholy thoughts, Natsuki continued on towards her apartment, the unexplained presence forgotten. Her boots audibly thumped against the stairs as she climbed up, arms bracing against the railing for balance. Her door neared, the number nineteen winking at her. Nobody else knew this, but Natsuki had chosen the number nineteen to signify Shizuru's birthday. Natsuki had never had the courage to spill the beans, but she was almost certain Mai had figured it out due to the knowing smile she had thrown at her when the biker had first suggested it. It brought a light flush to her face. A gloved hand reached for the keys in her pocket, withdrawing them and inserting the little key into the lock. The door opened with a low click.

A boot stepped over the threshold, slipping against something on the floor. Natsuki's arms flailed as she tried to catch her balance. Once she righted herself, she glared down at the floor, staring at the offending object. It was what appeared to be a letter, lying forlornly on the floor. Bending over, Natsuki picked up the small parchment, reading her name scrawled across the front. The handwriting looked vaguely familiar…using her index finger, Natsuki tore open the letter, opening up the small piece of paper inside. It was in sorry shape to be sure; the writer had obviously been very distressed. Confused viridian looked at the loopy words, feeling the pain from each one stabbing into her heart. Emerald widened and a heart literally stopped for a beat as she realized it was Shizuru who had written her. Quickly she read over the words, seeing an image of the chestnut-haired Kyoto woman bent over, tears falling down her angelic face as she mustered up the courage to write down the thing she never, ever wanted to write.

A hand covered her mouth as a sob choked out, wetness clinging to her lashes. Natsuki gulped in air, her vision blackening at the phrase she had zeroed in on. _I'm moving back to Kyoto; thank you, Natsuki, for being you. For being my friend until I ruined everything. I will always love you, Natsuki, even though I shouldn't. I fear I will never stop._ No…nonono! She could not just up and leave, not when-not when Natsuki had not told her how she-how she…

**Shit**! Natsuki now knew why she had felt that feeling when she dismounted her Ducati. Throwing the letter down, she rushed out, not even bothering to close the door. The letter fluttered down, gently touching down on the ground. A single droplet, fresh and laced with regret, now adorned the page. Running faster than ever in her life, Natsuki rushed down the stairs, jumping the last three. Ignoring the shock that rent her body as she absorbed the impact, she exploded into the open, frantically searching for the vehicle she had seen earlier. It was not where it had previously been. Hands wrung her hair in desperation, choking on nothing, and _everything_. She'd been too late. She took Shizuru for granted, believing her to always be beside her no matter to circumstance. Turns out it had all been just too much for the strong woman, and Natsuki had never even seen it coming. The defeated blunette dropped to her knees, feeling smaller than she had ever felt before. _Shizuru_…_what have I done_? The Ice Princess finally understood how she had gotten her nickname. At that moment, feeling her world crashing down around her, she sure felt cold.


	3. Even If The Skies Get Rough

Author's note: Third chapter here; it was intended to be the final one…but I really love this story and could not bear to see it finished yet. Soooo…four parter! Yay! Song inspiration for this chapter is "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz. Hopefully this chapter will sort of make-up for the angst of the previous chapters. ^_~

Disclaimer: Same as the first…and second. I do solemnly swear I am not (not) up to no good; I do **not** own Mai-Hime, or the wonderful characters I am slowly crushing under a wall of angst. Yep, that's 'bout it.

"_Sometimes in life people are worth fighting for and those that are you will feel in your heart."-Natasha Buckmaster_

"_I'm gonna fight for you, until your heart stops beating."-Hussein Nishah _

A heavy oaken door with beautiful stained glass windows smoothly slid open, not even a tiny creak announcing the arrival of a young woman bearing thick honey-brown hair and a stunning pair of ruby eyes. The woman gracefully glided inside the massive house, closing the door behind her with the smallest of clicks. She seemed to float through the foyer, sandals softly touching the dark cherrywood floors. A fancy chandelier, classy but not too ornate, hung overhead. The ceiling was pretty high, arching far above her lithe figure. Many would deem the two story house as being evidence of wealth; but to Shizuru Fujino, only heir to esteemed businessman Takashi Fujino, it was merely home.

Her parents, unlike some whose pockets were lined with gold and opportunity, did not gloat or look down upon others of lower classes. Misaki Fujino, an elegant, gentle soul, made sure her daughter knew the importance of generosity and kindness, instilling the old culture her own mother had passed on to her. It was a loving, warm home and Shizuru found it comforted her when her thoughts turned to darker things. The kimono-clad university student dropped her messenger bag onto the rustic table situated in the middle of the room, beside a vase of lilies her wonderful father had surprised her mom with. Shizuru paused for a moment, crimson closing as she inhaled the fragrance of the flowers; her mother's favorite. A small sigh breezed through her small mouth, becoming lost amidst the abundance of air particles; one in a million. _Natsuki_…

It had been a month and a day since she had driven away from Fuuka, away from both the town she had grown to adore and the love who had so easily stolen her heart. The time away had not dulled the feelings in the slightest; the ache only seemed to intensify. Slender fingers had often times creeped towards her little cellular device, unconsciously intent on reaching out to the bluenette and ending this endless cycle she found herself in. But she always came to her senses right before she dialed the number she knew by heart, snatching her hand away as if burnt. Simply put, it had been utter hell. But, she ought to have been used to it by now, as almost all contact had been cut before she grew the courage to move on. Yeah it hurt, but she would eventually make it out alright, right?

_Keep telling yourself that; if it helps you sleep at night_… huh, funny considering her sleep had been wracked with nightmares and images of what could have been if her feelings were not unrequited. The rejection in reality was bad enough, she did not need to see it in rewind every single night as well. The young woman made her way into the dining room, passing through until she came into the dark kitchen. Flicking on the light, gold poured over her. As her eyes adjusted to the change, feet padded over to the sink. Reaching over, knowing hands started preparation for a cup of her favorite tea. She most assuredly needed it. As she waited for the water to come to a boil, Shizuru leaned heavily against the counter. She could feel the hardness of it alongside her back, cool and sturdy. Just what she needed right about now.

Chestnut strands fell over her face as she leaned forward in contemplation, concealing her pain although nobody else was currently in the home with her. She had gotten used to throwing her mask up, even when alone. It was exhausting and worn down her resolve fairly quickly. An image of her favorite biker stole into her mind, searing the cranium and searing her retinas with the forbidden picture. Shizuru clenched her jaw, nails digging into the polished wood behind her. Taking a slow, (hopefully) calm breathe that just came out shaky, the Kyoto born tried to think of anything that would distract her from the way her thoughts had turned.

Her studies were coming along nicely; she worked ten times harder now than she did at even Fuuka, showing a brilliance that astounded her professors. She had maybe a year and a half left, graduating a bit early due to the sheer numbers of credits that had been dutifully accumulated. Her father had already indoctrinated her at the family corporation; right now she was only a little more than an assistant. But, as she learned and became more versed in the dealings the global powerhouse provided, she would move up until finally she took the reigns over from her father. Her parents had been overjoyed when she surprised them with the news of her relocation to Kyoto University; truthfully it had been their first choice for her. But, when she revealed that she wanted to attend Fuuka University, they did what any good parent would and supported her. But she knew it meant the world to them to have her closer, and continue the Fujino Empire her grandfather had built with his bare hands. So, she slapped on a smile and bit her tongue to keep from screaming at the top of her lungs.

The young heiress stood up straight, shoulders transitioning to a look more befitting her stature. She finished her tea, sipping the liquid fire slowly, savoring the taste and the burn as it coursed down her trachea. If only she could drown her sorrows in tea; that sounded like a fantastic idea, to be sure. Pulling out a pristine, high-backed chair, she delicately seated herself on the hard surface. Her body sunk down gratefully, taking another sip of the health-restoring substance. She had been under even more stress lately due to her overactive thoughts. Her workload had been piling up consistently due to her literally taking everything she could so she would not have to think very much, at least about _her_. Unfortunately, Miss Kuga had shown up with a vengeance; yesterday afternoon when Shizuru had arrived home, exhausted and close to tipping over, her mother had walked up. Taking the messenger bag from her daughter's shoulders, Misaki had started chatting with Shizuru about her day. During a lengthy pause, Misaki happened to mention something. Mrs. Fujino probably meant it to be inconsequential, but she was unaware of the impact it would have on her only child.

_"Dear, have you looked at the daily paper yet?" Shizuru looked upon her mother's face, smiling disarmingly. "No mother, I have not had the chance to peruse the paper. Was there something of interest?" Misaki smiled, looking like a carbon, albeit older, copy of her daughter. "Well I happened to look through it earlier today and I noticed that graduation is coming up, for Fuuka Academy, I mean. I just figured you would like to be reminded, since you enjoyed it there so much." Shizuru paled considerably, her mother unaware of the distress she had unknowingly placed upon her kin. "Perhaps you might even attend? I know your friends would probably love it, and it will give you a chance to be social. You never know when it might be hard to contact them." The older woman sauntered to the dining room to prepare a snack, leaving Shizuru to clutch at her chest as if in pain._

Shizuru blinked, shaking her head at the memory. Yes, she had not forgotten about graduation. It was a week away, and several of her peers still attending had invited her back to celebrate. Mai had sent her a letter, nice and crisp and completely opposite her excitement filled words. She had really wanted Shizuru to be there; it touched the crimson-eyed beauty that Mai thought so highly of her. Mikoto had left her a voicemail on her phone, pleading with her to come and support their friends, especially Mai. The little garbage disposal had always had a soft spot for her orange-haired girlfriend; dating had not changed that in the least. She had certainly grown more mature as well, so very different from the sword-wielding middle-schooler who single-handedly nearly brought about a ramen shortage. Even Yukino had sent her an invitation, saying that Haruka would also be in attendance. Haruka and herself had parted amicably, not quite friends but no longer on opposing sides. Reito had called her as well, informing her that he was going to visit for graduation too, for Mikoto's sake. Though the man no longer had feelings for Mai, he still thought of her as a friend and he wanted Mikoto and Mai to be happy together. Moving away had done wonders for her former vice president, transforming the guilt-ridden student into a confident future businessman. Shizuru actually envied him of the ability to forgive and forget.

A slew of her fangirls had also sent her random requests, some scribbled in little pink hearts whilst others contained small gifts and photos. One brazen girl had even sent her a pic…topless. A shudder went through the brunette's body at the thought. Apparently a year had not been enough to dull the older woman's allure; the younger population still wanted her just as bad as when she was an attendee. A part of Shizuru actually wanted to go to support her friends in moving on to the next step in life. But…she could not bring herself to do it. While Fuuka held some really good memories, there was more bad that outweighed the good, especially where Natsuki was concerned. She had been one of the few of their old Hime group that had not sent her a graduation letter. Shizuru tried not to be hurt, but the feeling just seemed to slip out anyway. A part of her, a rather large chunk if she was being honest, had hoped Natsuki would chase after her when she left a month ago. But no texts ever came, no calls at all. The bluenette had done as she asked and not bothered to contact her for anything.

_You got what you wanted. _"No…this is not what I wanted. Not by a long shot." Shizuru looked down at her cup, the tea seeming like ashes in her mouth. Choking back a whimper, she placed the little porcelain cup down onto a saucer, her head dropping into her hands with a defeated thump.

"Ugh!" Natsuki Kuga came bursting into her apartment, the urge to throw her helmet almost overwhelming. The biker and former Hime placed her helmet onto the plush couch, pacing up and down the room. Gloved hands mussed through her thick blue hair, a nervous habit she had picked up months earlier, before everything went to hell. Well, as close to hell as it could get, after the Carnival. The past month had been utter _shit_; no matter how hard she tried, she could not get Shizuru out of her mind. After she had realized her search was fruitless, the distraught woman had jumped on her bike and headed to Fuuka University. When she reached the lobby and enquired (begged) to be granted access to Shizuru's dorm room, she had been informed of the former Kaichou's departure. Her friend and the woman she so desperately needed had left her, no longer content in the half-hearted dance of the past year. Natsuki had never felt regret so acutely in her life.

She had been sorely tempted to just take her Ducati and chase after Shizuru. It'd be all romantic, like those movies Shizuru was secretly fond of. But, Natsuki just did not have the courage to do so. After all, the Kyoto native had asked her not to follow; there was not really any room for translation in that. Besides, what if Shizuru really did not want to be found? She sounded like moving on was the best thing for her, and maybe…maybe she was right. Gah! She did not even like thinking those words; Natsuki only sounded good when the name Shizuru was spoken alongside it. It was as if a piece of herself was missing, and the only way to reclaim it was to 'man' up and just go for it. Easier said than done. Natsuki kept talking herself out of it, fear the root of the entire problem. If she could not even confess her feelings, what good was she to Shizuru? She was heir to a major business conglomerate; Shizuru could do better than a sub-par student with issues on intimacy.

The whole reason she was so antagonized at the moment was all because of that fool Takeda. A year ago, she had actually felt sorry for the guy. She was not the easiest person to get along with, and at times she treated him horribly. That's why she had written him a letter stating she was flattered, but her heart could never belong to him when it beat to the tempo of another. Of course, Shizuru never knew that little tidbit, or maybe this situation would not have blown so far out of proportion. The letter seemed to have diminished his affections though, because he had not bothered her much since then. However, he had slid up to her today, right as she was gearing up to head home and sink in her ship of misery. The man had been sweating profusely, which was not exactly odd for him. He nervously wrung his hands out, tan skin burning bright.

_"N-N-Natsuki? I-I now you said that your attention was…elsewhere…but, lately I've been noticing that you are a bit…troubled. I was just wondering, if m-maybe you were available, now?" Natsuki was surprised to say the least. She was so sure Takeda had received the message that she was in no way interested. "I'm sorry Takeda, but nothing has changed. I do not share the feelings you have for me; you cannot force these things to happen." "But-I thought with Kaichou Fujino out of the picture-" Natsuki nearly bit her tongue off when the kendo adept mentioned the painful name. "W-What? What does Shizuru have to do with us?" Takeda fingered the collar of his button-up shirt, avoiding the sharp emeralds burning a hole through him. "W-Well, everyone knows how close you two were, t-then you just suddenly stopped after she gr-graduated. I just assumed she was the one who had your heart, and that you broke up. I asked Tate's advice, and he said it was probably because she was at university and no longer had time for you-" Emerald darkened to cold jade. "For your information, Shizuru and I were never involved in a romantic way. And regardless of how I have been acting, nothing has changed. I just do not feel for you." The man lowered his eyes, his sadness evident in his posture. A twinge of guilt pricked at Natsuki's consciousness, but she pushed it back. "A-Alright then…I guess I'd better…go. Sorry to take up your time, Kuga-san…"_

Tch. He had looked like a forlorn puppy. She had felt bad, but hearing Shizuru's name and the fact that everyone apparently thought the two women had been an item really triggered an emotional reaction. It was just too raw for her to dredge up. Natsuki finally calmed down, inhaling deeply as she counted to ten slowly. She dropped down onto the couch, chin dropping immediately into her open palm. She stared unseeing at the wall, thinking of her future. Only a week remained before she'd be walking across the grass, accepting a scroll that would be the badge of adulthood. Once it was in hand, she'd be cut loose on society and she found that the idea utterly terrified her. Nobody would be there to hold her hand or tell her everything would be okay. At least, not now that Shizuru had up and left to Kyoto. She had always had this image in the back of her mind of her and Shizuru attending the same college, slowly getting closer and closer until the barrier finally broke and a relationship formed. She wished things were that easy. If only…

The door opened, Natsuki's busty roommate walking in. Her vibrant smile turned into a frown at seeing the sorry state her friend was in. Timidly moving forward, her violet orbs stared concernedly at the young woman across from her. She knew something had happened between the ice princess and Shizuru; only Shizuru could ever make Natsuki show emotion like this. Her feet carried her to the couch, settling in beside her friend; careful not to jostle. "Natsuki? Is-is everything alright?" The biker looked up, emotion splashed across her face. "No; no, everything has not been alright for a month. How could she just up and leave, leaving only a note? How could I just _let_ her? Why is it so hard to just be honest and feel?" Twin tears marked the pale face, scaring Mai faintly. Natsuki Kuga did not cry; that was a well-known fact. Arms wrapped tentatively around the toned waist, trying to give even a small measure of comfort to the ailing ex-Hime. For her part, Natsuki buried her head in the pale shoulder, needing that physical connection. "What happened?" When Natsuki called down enough, she gave Mai the gist of her conversation with Takeda. Mai nodded at the appropriate times, adding a gasp or two for effect.

"Oh Natsuki; what am I going to do with you and Shizuru? You both love each other so much, and yet you are both afraid. It breaks my heart to see you like this, and I know she is too." "You and me both." Natsuki wiped her eyes on the back of her hand, feeling exhausted from her emotional outburst. "Hmm, I invited Shizuru to our graduation…but I think she has not accepted on purpose. The rest all asked her to be there as well, and she refused e very single one. If that does not tell you something, I do not know what will." At the look of confusion that was thrown her way, Mai hefted a sigh. "Oh Natsuki, but you are so dense sometimes." She leaned back, violet serious. "She does not wish to come back and cheer on her friends because of one thing and one thing only; you. She does not wish to see you because of her feelings. She loves you, and it hurts too much to visit and then to go back. She has always loved you Natsuki, even when you yourself did not yet realize."

Natsuki pondered the words. Here she had been, moping and feeling depressed, when she never even took account into what Shizuru had been feeling. How had she become so self-absorbed? "You know…I'll bet Shizuru is secretly hoping you'll come whisk her away. I know she would never turn you down, not the woman I know." Natsuki nodded to herself, lost in thought. What if that was the missing piece? She had never fully had the courage to confess her true feelings. What if that was all that they needed, that little push so to say? Determined, Natsuki stood straight up. Mai recognized that glint in those eyes; it was the exact same look she got when somebody challenged her. "I know what I need to do now, Mai. I've been a fool; such a fool. Shizuru left because I never gave her a choice. I never told her that I love her, that she is the one I want to wake up next to every morning. She was always my important person; now I'm ready to let her know that." Mai smiled brightly, happy at seeing Natsuki feeling something other than mopey. "So, what are you going to do?" Natsuki smiled, a true beautiful smile that lit up the room. "I'm going to do what I should have done a year ago; fight for my girl." Mai clapped her hands excitedly, feeling almost as happy when Mikoto made the first move all those months ago. Natsuki held up a hand, in full on contemplation mode. "But, I will need some help. Will you assist me? Please?" Mai placed a reassuring hand on the leather-clad shoulder. "Of course; what are friends for? Let's go get your Kaichou!"


End file.
